The Rules that Bind, and the Freedom to Break Them

DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CANNOT BE YOURSELF?

Have you ever felt constricted by the rules you place on your life? Do you have thoughts that tell you that you cannot do things, because either someone said you couldn't do them, or you believe you were not allowed to be yourself?

I think we all have some of these thoughts. I'm aware that I have ideas in my mind that will sometimes prevent me from doing anything.  I get frustrated, spending time trying to figure what is the next right thing to do, rather than getting anything done. It is the perfectionist in me coming out once again. It is that part of me that needs to be perfect, before I present myself to the world. 

If you can identify with any of this, this article is for you. I invite you to read on, to discover how you can move from feeling constrained by your self-imposed rules, to feeling more free in your life.

BORN TO BE FREE

You were born to be free. At what point then do we decide that we are not free to make choices for ourselves? At what point do we start dealing with the rules and social norms that society places on us? It is from the beginning. It is what we learn at home. It is what we learn at school. It is what we learn on the playground. These things are imposed on us by others. We don't even have to believe them, but we do them anyways. Right from the beginning, we are doing what others think we should do.

SOCIAL NORMS

There is nothing wrong with social norms. This is how society functions. This is how families function. It becomes challenging when we want to break out of a norm that we no longer believe in. Or, we want to feel free to be ourselves when others do not agree with us. When you put yourself out there in the world, some people are not going to agree with you. Some people are going to oppose you, and tell you that you are wrong. Some people may even attack you.

Codes of ethics are important to me . They drive my decisions on a moment to moment basis. I need to find a way to still feel free within the space of societal norms.

If I want all people to be free, I must include myself in that group. It follows that if I want others to live within society's boundaries, I am going to also have to respect those boundaries. Can these boundaries we changed? Absolutely. They change every day. A law that was enacted years ago, may now have become completely at odds with the new way of thinking. It is then changed to reflect the new beliefs and norms of the current society. Does that mean the current laws are better than the former? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Whatever social norms we are adhering to now, may be seen in 50 years as being completely wrong. Our social structure is always evolving. In this ever changing structure, we have to find our way. We have to find out who we are.

MAKING IT PERSONAL

I have been speaking in very global terms here. I have been speaking of laws and cultural norms that can and will change. Now, allow me to bring this into your personal life. This is where you can affect the most change. Are you constraining yourself with a belief system that doesn't allow you to try a new behavior? If you believed a certain way about something 10 years ago or even 10 days ago, do you believe that you can change your mind at any time? Or, do you believe that are stuck with the code of ethics you adopted years ago?

WE CAN CHANGE

 I believe that you can change your beliefs. In the same way that societies are allowed to change outdated laws, you are allowed to change your outdated thinking. Is this easy? No. But, I believe there are some ways you can begin to give yourself permission to question and change your old way of thinking. Here are some techniques that I believe can and will help you to grant yourself permission to change:

1. Go with your gut. Take a few moments, and check in with yourself. Is there something you would like to try, that maybe you were afraid to try before. If so, what it is?

2. Remember that you have the right to change your mind at any time. Like society that can change laws if those don't suit that society, you have a right to change your inner mind. If a new awareness has come to you, you can commit to a new course.

3. Talk it out with someone. If you feel stuck, talk to a trusted friend or mentor about your fears. When you talk about it, you will get in touch with the issues that may be keeping you stuck. By connecting with another person, you may be able to resolve them.

4. Be gentle with yourself. It took a long time for you to adopt the beliefs that you now hold. Your beliefs are the product of societal norms, as well as beliefs that were created in your family. These are very ingrained. It takes a long time before these can be changed.

5. Affirm yourself. If you are of the sensitive type (like me), you will respond to affirmations better than harsh criticism. Be your own best advocate. Be your number one cheerleader.

Freedom comes at a cost. When we are free, we have the right to make choices. When we have choices, we have a responsibility to decide what works for us and what doesn't. This takes courage. It is not only worth it to be free, it is our God given right. It is our right to be free in society, and it is our right to be free in our minds.