Asking for Help


IS ASKING FOR HELP A SIGN OF WEAKNESS?

Why is it difficult for some of us to ask for help? Why does it seem like help is a dirty word, something to be avoided at all costs?

For many of us, asking for help is admitting failure. It is viewed as a weakness to be avoided at all costs.

I teach music in schools several days a week. I appreciate it when a student asks for help with something. I see it as a sign of maturity and strength when they ask me for help. It is my job to help them. It is what I am being paid for.

Why then would I interpret my asking for help as a weakness?  I believe it comes down to thinking that I should have everything under control. Ultimately, the desire for control is about managing fear. It's the fear that if I don't have a say in something, things will go poorly for me.

MANAGING THE FEAR

The truth is that I have no control over anyone or anything outside of me. Control is an illusion. It keeps me in fear, and it keeps me feeling isolated.

How can we transform the illusion that help is a weakness into a power for good in our lives?

SOME STEPS THAT WILL HELP

Here are some steps we can take:

1. Admit that everyone needs help. We are beautifully dependent on each other. Without our connection to each other, our lives would seem dark and hopeless.

2. Practice. Ask for help with something that is not so consequential. Start with asking someone help you carry in the groceries into the house. When we start with the easier things, it will help build confidence. When we need help with more important things, we will do so knowing that we asked for help before.

3. Think of the times in your life when you asked for help and received it. This history of receiving help will encourage you to do it again.

4. Acknowledge that you will not ask for help perfectly. You will make mistakes. You might ask the person who cannot help you. You might get bad advice. You might not get your needs met. Ask anyway.

5. Treat asking for help as a learning experience. You will discover who is safe, who can meet your needs, and who cannot.

LIFE IS SAFE

Asking for help is not for the faint of heart. It involves a belief that life is safe, and that there is help available to us when we need it. That takes a lot of faith. The safer we think life is, the more able we will be to ask for help.

My hope for you today is that you see the word help as a connecting word. May it become for you a word that brings a feeling of relief. It takes practice, and a willingness to trust. You deserve all of the help available to you.


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