Do I Really Know What You Need?

 

Do I really know what you need?

I don’t.

I used to think I did.

Thinking I knew what other people were supposed to do used to get me into all kinds of trouble.

I used to know why my friend was rude to his spouse. I used to know how to fix the economy. I used to know how certain politicians should act. I used to know how my friends should react to me. I used to know how my best friend can improve his marriage.

I used to know all kinds of things.

What I know now is that other people are the best judge of what is best for them. Most of the time.

Allow me to be real here.

There are lots of people in the world who do not have the ability to make choices that are for their own good. Therefore, we have medical surrogates, care takers, and other kind people looking out for those who are vulnerable and cannot make their own decisions.

We need the care takers in this world who are willing to protect the vulnerable. I’m grateful for those who want the best for those who cannot care for themselves.

I bet you are one of those caring people. My audience usually includes people who are very caring and compassionate towards others. I appreciate those beautiful qualities in you.

It’s my insistence on thinking that I know what is best for people who can care for themselves that gets me in real trouble. It’s the belief that if they don’t do it my way, it won’t be done right.

This insistence could be interpreted as control.

Control is not caring. It’s not love. It’s not compassion. It’s about fear.

It’s a tricky thing to strike a balance between caring and control.

When you see a loved one struggling with a life circumstance, do you automatically want to jump in and fix it?

When your friend comes to you and tells you about a problem at work, do you automatically want to offer a solution?

It’s hard to not jump in and problem solve.

In my life, what has given me peace of mind is knowing that each person in this world has their own connection with their Creator that helps to guide them through life. This guide is there to protect them, care for them, and to help them in their time of need.

What I have discovered in life is that when I want to jump in and fix something I need to go inside my soul and discover why I’m so uncomfortable with allowing other people to be who they are.

I need to ask myself whether I’m willing to love them even if they do nothing different.

It’s about being willing to love them unconditionally and allowing them the dignity to make their own decisions.

There is someone in your life right now who you want to intervene on. That’s who you are. You care. You want to support.

What would happen if you were able to listen to them, and allowed them to tell you how they need to be supported?

I believe that because you are a caring person that your ability to listen and support will be the very help they are looking for. Who knows. They may be able to come up with their own answers, and your support may be the thing that helped them to realize that.